Forever in My Heart

A Dedication to Topper and Chloe

How you behave toward cats here below determines your status in Heaven. - Robert A. Heinlein

"I'm Still Here"

Copyright  by KC Sievert Bingamon 1998
for her precious CenCen
Copied with KC's permission

I was close to you at breakfast..
I watched you make your tea.
You were thinking of the many times
your hand reached down to touch me.
I gently put my paw on you,
smiled and said.."It's me ...
I'm never far away...
I'm still here."
You sat there very quietly,
then you smiled, you knew.
 

Topper

Sweet Topper. He is no longer with me and I do so miss him. You see, Topper was the first cat that was only my cat. We had many family pets but they belonged to me, my Mom and my step Dad. When I first laid eyes on him I knew that I had to have him. I was so excited, just like a Mom who is expecting her first child. Topper was my baby, my best friend and my constant companion. Oh how I miss him so!

Topper was cute as the dickens and a very big boy. At his peak weight he was 20 pounds.  He always loved to sleep on my chest so you can imagine that it was a bit uncomfortable for me. He had the softest fur, the cutest ears that were always perked up, wondering what was going on I would think and eyes that made me think of emeralds.

He was a quiet one and kept to himself a lot but he was always there for me and ready to have some snuggley time together. He got along great with other animals and I never had to worry about a fight ensuing. If he was bothered by the other, he would just keep his distance and send out a message to stay away.

Since Topper was my cat, he went wherever I went. Unfortunately, there were times I had to leave him with my parents. I hated those years. But once I got my own place in Connecticut, I told him that where I go, you go and that is the way it was until he died.

Topper was my first baby to come into my life and the first to leave me, but I was blessed with having him for 16 and a half years. That is a blessing in itself but more of a blessing when I almost lost him at the age of 10 due to a urinary blockage. I still have not gotten over losing him and my heart still aches. The hardest thing for me is watching Zena and seeing her do the Topper pose. That is where he would cross his front two paws. How I wish I could see him do that again.

Topper is gone and my heart still aches. I wish that he could have lived for many more years but that was not possible as he got cancer. The hardest thing I had to do was to put him down. It was the hardest thing but the kindest thing I could do for my best friend. Gone from this earth is he, but he is forever in my heart.

 



Chloe

Chloe, my forever kitty is what you were and still are. How sad I am that you had to leave so young. It just is not fair that you had to go, but I get some warmth knowing that you and Topper are together again. It saddens me that you had to go, but know that you are forever in my heart.

Once I got my own apartment in Manhattan, I felt it was time to get another cat. Once I set my mind to something, there is no turning back. What I found was a sweet Persian who I named Chloe. Again once I saw her, I knew I had to have her just the way that it was with Topper.

Topper and Chloe bonded quite well. They became lovers, brother and sister, and mother and father to each other. Chloe was a very welcome addition to the family. She and Topper complimented each other. What Topper lacked, Chloe provided. Chloe was the lap cat. She was the one who would crave for attention and respond back with lots of loving. She always was looking for a lap to sit on or someone to love. One of her favorite things was to lick my fingers. I do so miss her sandpaper kisses. Chloe was also the one who slept with me each night. I miss her most when I go to bed each night. I call her my forever kitty as she never grew to be very big. Hey I got what most people wish, a cat that stays a kitten.

Once Topper passed, Chloe was distant. She had Shadow and soon Zena and CC, but that was not enough. I strongly feel that when Topper left, a part of Chloe died. She became ill, but she recovered. Then six weeks later, she passed over the Rainbow Bridge. I feel that Topper was calling for her and that she was missing him so much that she decided to greet him. She knew that I would be OK and that Shadow, CC and Zena were here for me. She knew that she would be forever in my heart!

 



 

Chloe

Sweet forever kitty
Leaving me is what you did
Memories I keep

 

 



 

My Chloe's Poem

My forever kitty, that is what you were,
So small, so sweet, with the softest fur
And always willing to give a reassuring purr.

Right beside me is the place you'd like to be,
Looking so cozy for all to see
And keeping me safe and sound as you watched over me.

No longer beside me so now I must grieve,
Wondering each day why you did leave
And not even a warning did you give me that eve.

 Life must go on even though it is without you,
Thinking of you is all that I do
And each day my heart aches and how it cries for you too.

Pain free and well is what you are feeling now,
After having taken your last bow
And lasting imprints I have of your sweet angelic meow.



 



Topper

Never forgotten
You will always be with me
My heart beats for you.

 

 

My Topper's Poem

No one can tell me how it feels or how it hurts now that you are gone.
No one can tell me it will get better or it will get easier in time.
No one can tell me what pain I feel or what sadness I feel that you aren't here.

I never knew about losing until you passed.
I never knew about loving until I had you.
I never knew about heart ache until that April day.

I do know how I miss the feel of your fur against my skin.
I do know how I yearn to hold you in my arms.
I do know how quiet each moment is without your sweet purr.

No one knows if we will truly be together again.
No one knows if we will get over the pain.
No one knows if we will be able to mend. 

But I do know how lucky I was to have you.
I do know you are my forever friend.
I do know you are still with me each and every day.
And I will always know how much you loved me and I loved you.
Here's hoping we are together again!

 



 



 

From Your Cat

Remember me always, but do not grieve for me too long.
I have tried always to comfort you in times of sorrow,
and have made every effort to add joy to your life.
I never wanted to cause you pain.

Peace for me is certain now, and I suspect I will have
eternal sleep in the earth
I have loved so well.

Please, after your period of grieving for me,
make room in your heart for another.
You are the kind of human being that should
always have a friend like me to love.
Your kind and gentle heart should not be wasted on my memory for too long.

Give your love to another.
I know your new friend will never take my place,
because we had something very special.

You loved me very much and I loved you.
My spirit will always be with you,
and no matter how deep my sleep,
my grateful heart will always be purring for you.

Author Unknown
 



 

 

 

 



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